


Reckless Abandon

by astridrosen



Category: Persona 3
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-08 17:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4313703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astridrosen/pseuds/astridrosen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akihiko and Hamuko get their true feelings out of the way, and start looking to their futures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Post October 4 events. Hamuko and Minato are both present, but Hamuko isn't a Persona user. Kind of an AU, don't think it's going to stick rigidly to the timelines. 
> 
> This is my first fic :3 please leave any feedback and I will take it on board when writing more stuff! (turns out I suck at titling and summaries!)

‘lunchtime, meet me on the roof’

I stare at the text over and over again until the words lose meaning. I’ve been summoned. My heart and stomach flip over each other and seem to swap places in my body. I feel all out of sorts, and look at the clock. 10.40. Lunchtime seems forever away. My teacher, Ms. Toriumi, eyes me suspiciously and I shove the phone back in my pencil case and pretend I’m listening to her lesson. I visualise the text in my head. 

“Hamuko, are you with us?” Ms. Toriumi asks. I snap out of my daze.

“Yes! Of course!” I reply, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. Please don’t ask me a question. 

My inner wishes come true, and she carries on droning about verbs, or whatever it is she’s talking about. 

The student in the seat diagonally to the left in front of me turns round in his seat and shoots me a look. I shoot him one back and remember I’m supposed to be having lunch with him. I’m sure he’ll forgive me, he’s my twin brother after all. 

I manage to tap out a message on my phone without drawing too much attention.

‘can’t do lunch now. sorry.’ 

I hear Minato’s phone vibrate and pray that Ms. Toriumi didn’t hear it. Seconds later my own phone lights up in my pencil case.

‘you suck. why?’

‘better offer ;)’ I reply, hoping he’ll see the funny side. He turns round to look at me again and shakes his head. He didn’t see the funny side, it turns out. 

As the lesson goes on and we get closer to 12pm, my nerves start to increase. Thoughts start racing through my head as if someone’s pressed fast-forward in my brain. I barely have time to acknowledge each thought before a new one has replaced it. 

Should I leave him waiting, or go on time?.. Did I put make-up on this morning?.. Does my hair look okay?.. Should I eat my lunch with him?.. What does he want?

The last one keeps coming back to me. After I’ve overthought everything enough to give myself a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I attempt some rational thinking.

It’s okay. He’s your friend. He’s not going to care what you look like, or if you eat in front of him. He’s your friend. He’s your friend. 

I repeat the same words over and over again. I realise I’m trying to convince myself that he is my friend, because deep-down I’ve wanted to be more than friends for a long while. Maybe he’s realised it, seen the looks I’ve been giving him when I think he’s not looking? Maybe he’s going to tell me we can’t hang out anymore. What am I going to do on Mondays and Fridays now?

The bell rings for lunch and I bolt out of the classroom. I need to look at myself in the bathroom mirror before I go to the roof. I’m in the bathroom before anyone else and give myself the once-over in the mirror. Hair looks passable, skin is fine, turns out I did put on some make-up this morning. I take a deep breath and give myself a thumbs up in the mirror before leaving the bathroom.

When I get to the roof, he’s already there. My heart skips a beat when he turns round, and when he looks at me I feel my cheeks blushing. He blushes back, and it’s in that moment I realise he definitely knows I like him as more than a friend. 

“Akihiko, I…” I start to talk, wanting to make excuses for why I need to leave, just so I don’t have to hear him say why he doesn’t want to see me anymore.

“Hamuko, can I say something?” He asks.

Dammit, I’m too late. “Sure, go ahead.”

“I know… that you like me.” He says, looking at the floor. I don’t reply, I’m too busy being embarrassed. “Shinjiro told me.”

“He…what?” This news takes me by surprise.

“A couple of days before he…” Akihiko breaks off. He hates talking about what happened to Shinjiro, we all do. It wasn’t that long ago in the scheme of things, it’s too raw still. “Anyway. He told me. We had this dumb agreement that neither of us were going to ask you out, because we both liked you and we’d just got to a good place and..”

“.. Wait. You both liked me? I didn’t know either of you did.”

“We both did. Do.”

“Do?”

“Yeah, why do you think I asked you to come here?” He sighs. “If you like me too, then I don’t know how much time we’ve wasted, but now Shinji isn’t… We just can’t hold back anymore.”

“I do like you. Of course I do.” I say softly. We’re still standing a long way from each other, and the atmosphere is kind of hostile. I’ve got my arms crossed and I’m looking at Akihiko, but he’s looking at his feet.

“Why didn’t you say sooner?” He asks.

“I.. don’t know. It’s kind of awkward telling someone you like them. Especially if you don’t know they like you back.”

“Didn’t Shinjiro tell you? Why did you tell him, and not me?” 

“What? No. I didn’t know he knew.” I take a deep breath. “We kissed, once. And I stopped it because I told him that I liked someone else, a lot. He asked me who it was, and said he’d be better for me than any other guy from school. I told him it was you, and he laughed and said, ‘You had to go and pick the one guy who would be better for you’, and then he told me I should tell you, but I said I wasn’t ready.”

There’s silence, and even though I know telling Akihiko about mine and Shinji’s kiss was the right thing to do, he looks kind of dejected and I wish I’d omitted that detail. I sigh and sit down on the bench. I’m surprised when he sits next to me, so close I can feel his body next to mine. He dumps his school bag on the floor.

“I don’t care how we got to this point. I like you, okay. As more than a friend.” He bends down to his back and pulls something out and hands it to me. “Here, I got this for you.”

I take the item and look at it. It’s a stuffed rabbit, with fur the same colour as my hair. 

“It’s cute, thank you.” I say, stroking the rabbit’s fur. 

“It reminded me of you.” He says, and I look at him. He blushes. 

“Thank you.” I repeat. I look back down at the rabbit in my lap, and then at Akihiko’s lap. He’s got his gloves on, as usual. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him without them. Something about boxers and their gloves, he’s told me before. Despite the fact that since we’ve been on the roof he’s told me he likes me, the whole situation is becoming unbearably awkward and I find myself wanting to leave. 

“So, no more wasting time, right?” Akihiko says, and I feel him twisting round so he’s facing me. I cross my legs on the bench, and swivel round so I’m facing him. He copies me, and we’re both sat on the bench cross-legged, facing each other, knees touching.

“Yeah, okay. No holding back.” I say, still holding the stuffed rabbit. 

“So.. will you be my girl?” Akihiko asks, blushing furiously, almost turning the same colour as the rabbit. 

I smile. “Yeah, course I will.” 

He beams back at me, and leans over to me and grips my hand. It’s nice, but I can’t feel him properly through the gloves. 

“Do you want to hang out after school?” He asks.

“Yeah, that’ll be nice. Meet me outside the school?”

He smiles and nods. The school bell goes, signalling we have to go back to our classes. We both stand up, and he pulls me close to him, hugging me with his arms around my waist. I put my own arms up, resting them on his shoulders and meeting my hands together at the back of his neck. We stand like that before breaking apart and rushing to our rooms. As I sit down, Minato turns around to look at me. 

“Good lunch?” He asks, smirking.

“It was. The best.” I reply cryptically, before our next teacher comes in, forcing Minato to be quiet. 

I sit through the afternoon’s lessons, not really paying any attention, and every now and then I remember that Akihiko is now my boyfriend, and it just feels so alien but so exciting. The minutes tick by and eventually the last bell rings. I’m up out of my seat and heading for the door whilst the sound of the bell is still ringing through the air.

“Hamuko!” Minato yells after me. I turn around. “Where are you going? I thought you were hanging out with me and Junpei?”

“Ahh… about that. I’m going to meet someone else, sorry.” I tell him, not sorry in the least. 

“What? Who?” He asks, shocked.

“My new boyfriend. See you later!” I throw it out there, see the horrified look on his face and flee out of the door before he can say anything else. I practically skip down to the front of the school, and when I emerge from the building I see Akihiko standing there waiting for me. I approach him. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He says back, pulling me in to him. We walk along, his arm around my shoulders and my arm around his back. People stare at us, girls mostly. I guess I’ll have to get used to that.

“Where are we going?” I ask Akihiko, looking up at him. 

“Dinner, then I thought maybe we could just hang out at home, watch a movie or something? Take it easy?” 

“Sounds good to me.” I say, and he gives my shoulder a squeeze. We head off to the mall, chatting the whole way about everything and nothing at the same time, never letting go of each other.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the last chapter, it was hinted that Hamuko and Shinjiro might have had a 'moment'. This is a flashback showing what happened.
> 
> Not sure it's obvious, but it's set the same day that Ken moves into the dorm.
> 
> As always, please leave any feedback :3 I'm still fairly new to this!

Minato and I leave school and begin the walk home, following Yukari and Junpei who are arguing in front of us. When we get out to the front of the main building I look out for Akihiko, as I always do. I’m surprised to see him, waiting by himself. I break off from the group and approach him.

“Akihiko? Are you coming home with us?” I ask him, tentatively. Sometimes he joins us, but most of the time he travels on his own. As I look up at him, my heart does the stupid fluttering thing it’s started doing whenever I’m near him. 

“Oh, er… I would, but I’m meeting someone.” He says, by way of explanation. 

“Oh, cool. No problem. I’ll see you at the dorm.” I go to break away from him, and Mitsuru appears at his side, long red hair flowing behind her. 

“Are you ready?” She asks him. 

“Yeah, sure.” He says to her, before turning to me. He looks really apologetic. “I’m sorry Hamuko. We can hang out another time?”

“Yeah.. okay.” I mumble. 

“Bye Hamuko.” Mitsuru says coldly as I turn away. We’ve never really got along, she always seems so clinical to me. 

I power-walk to catch up with the group.

“No Akihiko?” Minato asks.

“No, he’s gone with Mitsuru somewhere.” I mumble.

“Are they like.. a couple?” He asks. 

God, I hope not, I think but I don’t reply and remain quiet for the rest of the journey. Suddenly I don't feel like talking. When we’re on the train, every time I see a flash of red hair, I find myself craning to see whether it’s Mitsuru and if Akihiko is nearby, but it’s not, and my imagination runs wild with ideas of what they could be doing together. Strangely, my brain doesn’t like any of the options I’ve conjured up as I picture them in tight embraces. I shake my head to get rid of the image and Minato looks at me strangely. I wonder if he can read my mind. When we were younger, we used to think we had a twin mind-reading thing going on, our parents called it ‘twintuition’. We would always know what the other person was feeling, and we could have conversations without speaking whole sentences, or sometimes without speaking at all. The older we get, the less we’re able to do it, and we have to use actual words to communicate. Every now and then I’ll get a pang when it feels like he’s been hurt or is sad, but I don’t know if it works the other way. Minato’s not mentioned it if it does, and right now I'm praying it doesn't.

We finally reach the dorm and everyone bolts upstairs to their rooms, Junpei and Yukari still bickering between them. Sometimes I wish they’d just get together and get it over with, they both clearly like each other, it frustrates me how neither of them can see it. I chalk this feeling up to my developing bad mood, as normally I find their fighting quite endearing, but this afternoon it’s just grating on me. I head to the kitchen to find something sweet to cheer me up, and Koromaru pads up to me, sniffs me and walks away again. I can’t even get the dog to hang out with me. 

I open up the freezer where I find a carton of ice-cream, and pulling out a spoon I hoist myself up onto the counter in the corner of the room and I sit and I dig in. With each spoonful, I question why Akihiko and Mitsuru hanging out is affecting me so badly. I know they’re friends, they’ve known each other a lot longer than I’ve been around for, and Mitsuru has said time and time again that she doesn’t have time for boys, so I’m certain she doesn’t like Akihiko that way. I settle on the fact that I just wouldn’t be able to accept it if Akihiko liked someone I knew. I don’t mind the idea of him off with a faceless, nameless girl, but when it’s someone I know, someone I live with, it’s a bit too much to handle. 

I sit on the counter, looking at the half-eaten carton of ice-cream in front of me and feel bit more satisfied than when I first home. All of a sudden the kitchen door bursts open and a figure comes hurtling in, to the opposite side of the kitchen as me. I hold my breath so I’m not seen. It’s Shinjiro, wearing his usual burgundy coat and beanie hat. He puts his hands on the counter and leans over, letting out a scream of frustration. I feel really awkward being a party to it, and I feel like I should say something. I’m about to open my mouth when Shinjiro punches the wall three times, hard. He groans and looks down at his hand, turning round so he’s facing my direction. Looking up, he shakes his hand to get rid of the pain and notices me sat on the counter. 

“What are you doing here?” He growls. Shinjiro doesn’t normally scare me, despite his intimidating exterior, but he seems angry and it puts me on edge a bit. 

“Drowning my sorrows.” I gesture at the ice-cream. Shinjiro strides towards me, a stern look on his face. I put the carton down and swallow nervously.

“You don’t tell anyone about this, okay?” He says, not really menacing but firmly enough to let me know he’s deadly serious. 

“Of course not.” I reply. He lifts his hand up to his face to rub his forehead under his hat, the same hand he used to punch the wall. His knuckles are split, and bleeding. “Shinjiro! Your hand!”

Shinjiro pulls down his hand and looks at it. I reach over and take his hand in my own, pulling it towards me to have a closer look. The wound isn’t too deep, but there’s a fair amount of blood for what it is. He shrugs and pulls his hand away.

“It doesn’t matter.” He says.

“It does! You should clean and dress it in case it gets infected.” I hop down from the counter. “Come on, I have a first aid kit in my room.”

Shinjiro looks at me and sighs, shrugging again. “Whatever, okay.”

We both head up to my room, and when we enter I kick off my shoes. Shinjiro hesitates for a moment before kicking his own off.

“You didn’t have to do that.” I tell him. He takes his coat off and sits on my bed, I’m a bit taken aback as I’ve never seen him without it, but in just his black t-shirt I can see the shape of his body a lot more, and he’s more muscular than I’d realised. Blushing at the thought, I turn away and dig out the first aid kit from my desk drawer before sitting next to him on the bed. Shinjiro has his hands in his lap, and once I’ve pulled an antiseptic wipe from the kit, I reach over and take his hand. He winces, and I drag the wipe across his knuckles.

“Thanks.” Shinjiro mutters, sighing heavily as he looks down at his hand.

“Er.. Do you want to talk about it?” I ask tentatively, pulling out some sticking plasters to put on the cuts.

“Not really. Just Aki being Aki, and Mitsuru being a pain in the ass as usual.” He says. I blush at Akihiko’s name and cough so I have an excuse to put my hand up to my mouth to try and conceal my face a bit. 

“Maybe you should find another way to blow off steam instead of injuring yourself on walls.” I say, wrapping a bandage around his hand so the plasters don’t come off. “I’m sure Akihiko would let you use the punching bags in his room.”

“How do you know what Akihiko has in his room?” He asks. I freeze, and feel a blush creep up my face. Shinjiro doesn’t seem to notice as he carries on talking. “Anyway, I think that would just stress me out more. He’d only go on about my technique being wrong.”

“Well, you need to find something, or you’re going to injure yourself!” I scold him, packing away the items I’ve used back into the first aid kit. Shinjiro grabs my hands in his. I look up at him and he stares into my eyes. He lets go of one of my hands and puts his free hand on my neck. “Oh.”

Shinjiro leans in towards me and I feel my heart beat faster before it feels like it stops all together. Our lips brush together lightly and he pulls away from me, still holding the back of my neck. I don’t have time to collect my thoughts, because as soon as he’s pulled away, the look he gives me as he looks down at my face, at my lips, makes me want to kiss him again and I lean in to him and press my lips against his, harder this time. I think it takes him by surprise, as he leans back, but after a moment he leans into me himself, opening his mouth slightly. Shinjiro moves my head so I’m lowering onto the bed and within moments I’m lying flat on my back with him half on top of me. He’s kind of lying on one of my hands, but I put my other hand on the back of his neck, twisting his long hair in between my fingers. He pulls back and looks at me again and I look back at him. There was a brief time when it was him I liked, but he was so distant and offish that I found it too hard to get to know him. Now it’s weird that we’re in this position when it’s his best friend I like. Akihiko. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I should be doing this.” I say. 

“Why not?” Shinjiro asks, frowning. He doesn’t move off of me or let me go. He winks at me. "You told me to find something else to calm me down."

“There’s someone else, someone I like.” I blurt out.

“The reason you were eating all that ice-cream?”

“Yeah. I think he had a date after school.”

“Who is it? I’m probably better for you than they are.” Shinjiro says, leaning in to me again. He kisses me again, mouth slightly open. I copy him and open my own, and he slips his tongue into my mouth and I feel him slide it along mine. Feeling Shinjiro’s tongue touch my own makes me feel light-headed, and I’m left in a daze until I hear him speak. 

“Hamuko?” He says, grinning at me. He knows what effect he’s having on me.

“Yes?” I whisper, barely able to form an actual word.

“The guy. Who is he?” He asks, and he starts nuzzling into my neck. I know that if he carries on kissing me, it’s pretty much going to be game over for me, and I’m going to turn into a pile of incoherent jelly. Part of me feels like it would be easier just to let him. He obviously likes me, and I kind of like him, but it’s not on the Akihiko scale for me. I need Shinjiro to stop kissing me, the more he goes on, the more confused I get and the more I want him to carry on. I know there’s one way of getting him to stop, and that’s by telling him who it is I like. 

“Shinjiro, stop.” I say. He pulls away from me, still half on me, still with his hand on my neck. “It’s Akihiko.”

Shinjiro rolls off of me and onto his back, so we’re lying side by side, shoulders touching. He sighs. “Of course it is.” 

We lie in silence next to each other for what feels like an eternity, but in reality is probably only a couple of minutes, if that. 

“I’m sorry Shinjiro.” I whisper.

“Don’t be sorry. He’s just the one guy I can’t compete with. Never have been able to, never will. He’s a much better guy for you than I am.” He sits up. “You should tell him.”

“Excuse me?” I ask, not sure if I’ve misheard him. 

“You should tell him how you feel.” He repeats. “He’s not on a date with Mitsuru. He’s gone to get some kid who’s going to live here.”

“I’m not telling him! Are you crazy?!” I laugh at the idea.

“Maybe, yeah.” He smiles a weird half-smile, kind of crooked and a bit sad at the same time. He motions for me to get up, so I stand up and let him get off the bed. Standing up, Shinjiro puts his coat back on and hides the body that’s just been pressed against me. It’s over now, whatever it was, and as quickly as it had begun. He heads to the door and slips his shoes back on without tying them up. 

“I really am sorry Shinjiro.” I say. “And for what it’s worth, I really liked kissing you.”

He smiles and looks down at his shoes, laces still undone. I’m not sure if I should have said that, but I wanted to say something that made him feel better before he left. Shinjiro walks over to where I’m stood and he pulls me close to him again, one hand on the small of my back and one on the back of my neck. He’s much taller than me, and it’s harder to reach him standing up but I go on my tiptoes and we share our last kiss together. It’s much more tender than the previous kisses, and very brief. When it’s over he looks down at me sadly for a moment before letting me go.

“I did too. Promise me one thing?” He asks. I nod in response, the kiss has rendered me speechless. “Tell him. Or I will.”

I’m about to argue when he lets go of me, and slips out of the door. I’m left standing in my room alone, touching my lips, wondering what the hell happened over the last couple of hours.


End file.
